Dear Diary:
In three weeks I start a new job as a high school Spanish teacher, and I’m ready. I’m so ready! I have taken Spanish since the 5th grade, have lived in a Spanish-speaking country, have almost completed my Masters of Education, and received rave reviews during my internship last year. Everyone keeps telling me that I’m ready, that my top-notch program has prepared me, and I do feel ready, but I am having trouble sleeping at night. My brain simply won’t allow itself to be turned off and I end up worrying about everything:
- How will I arrange the desks? Should my desk be in front of the student desks or behind them? How do I hook up my computer to the TV?
- How will I put all of this educational theory into practice?
- Will I be able to differentiate enough?
- What if I make a grammar mistake or forget an accent mark?
- Will I have time to call all of the parents before the first day of school?
- What if the administration is disorganized and/or unsupportive?
- How will I relate to kids who don’t care about Spanish and would rather be anywhere but in my classroom?
- Will I be too tough or not tough enough?
- Where will I find the time to do everything for school and maintain my own life?
And, of course, what should I wear on the first day?
On the other hand, however, I am also extremely eager. Unlike some of my other cohort members, who are still looking for a job, I have one and I am lucky enough to have my own classroom. Individual classrooms are becoming less common as enrollment rises and space decreases, so I’m thrilled. Also, my school is going “tech mod,” which means that the entire school’s computer network will be upgraded and I have been promised a Smart Board when we receive them in October!
Another reason I have trouble sleeping at night is somewhat positive and that’s because I am constantly turning over planning, instruction, and assessment ideas. It’s at night, when all else is quiet, and I should be asleep, that my most brilliant ideas come to the forefront of my teacher brain, and I wonder if I will be able to implement them…
The answer is yes. Yes! I simply need to remind myself that I have been taking education classes with some of the field’s leaders at one of the top universities in the country, that I know how to match activities and assessments to my objectives, that I will have support from my RT and colleagues, and that everything is OK. It’s OK to make a mistake. It’s OK not to be perfect. It’s Ok to say, “I don’t know.” As a first year teacher, I have tons to figure out, and I will, most likely with some bumps along the way. But, I’ll be a good teacher; I’ll figure it out. I’m ready.
In the meantime I have to figure out how I will get myself out of bed at 5:30 AM.
Sincerely,
Anita
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